(The gang are walking in the rain.)
Tom: Ugh, this rain is so annoying!
Edd: YOU'RE so annoying.
Tom: Yeah, well I hope it ends soon.
Edd: I hope YOU ends soon.
Tom: Ugh, I'm getting soaked.
Edd: YOU'RE getting soaked. Uh... and you're ugly as well.
Tom: As always, Edd, your sense of of humour never ceases to amaze me.
Edd: Was that an insult?!
Tom: You figure it out.
(Lightning strikes as Future Edd comes out.)
Future Edd: Finally, after many years I return. Now it's time to...wait. That WAS an insult!
(Title screen plays)
Tom: Well, when they found the skeleton in my kitchen, they assumed it was mine, so by the time I got home, the landlord had already rented the place out to someone else. So that's when I thought...
(Edd notices Future Edd in the shadows)
Edd: Hey guys, do you see a sinister-looking guy down that alleyway?
Matt: Whoa, yeah!
Tom: Whoa, that is sinister!
(Shows person covered in blood)
Edd: Oh wait, I meant that alleyway. (Points at Future Edd)
(A bus passes by and Future Edd disappears.)
Matt: Kind of looked like Edd with a beard.
Edd: Don't be silly. Only Tom can grow a beard.
Tom: (shown with beard) I have a disorder!
Edd: There's no way it could be me.
Future Edd: Or is it-?
Edd: No! It Isn't!
(Tom and Matt are surprised. Tom's beard falls off.)
Edd: Oh. Wait. Maybe.
Future Edd: I am YOU from the far off year of 2000-(another bus passes by, read by the subtitles as 2000-OH NO A BUS), where Cola has been outlawed as a drug around the globe. After several years I realized there was only one choice, I must travel to the past to... (pulls out gun) kill my past self to spare me from such a grim future!
Edd: But that doesn't look very futuristic. (Turns into lazer gun)
(The group runs from Future Edd in the town.)
(Future Edd shoots lazer, Edd dodges it)
Man: I wanted my chicken EXTRA CRISPY!! (chicken gets hit by lazer) THIS CHANGES NOTHING.
(They're still chased by Future Edd)
(Future Edd shoots another lazer)
Man 2: (pushes old lady) Excuse me, but I have some very important business to attend to so I can't--(hit by lazer) AAAAAHHHH!!! WHAT CRUEL IRONY!!!!
Old Lady: Such a nice young man.
(The gang still gets chased by Future Edd.)
(Future Edd shoots another lazer)
Man 3: Oh no, a giant lazer. Help me, Super Guy!
(Super Guy flies in in front of the man)
SuperGuy: Never to fear! With my powers, I can stop anything in the world! Just as long as it isn't lazer-- (They both get hit by the lazer) AAAAHHHH!!
(The gang run into the house as Future Edd gets slammed into the door.)
Matt: Grab what you need and let's get out of here.
(Tom checks the eye scan and takes out Susan.)
Tom: Oh baby, I missed you.
(Edd looks through his drawers)
Edd: Passport, nope. Medicine, nope. Precious heirlooms, nope. Aha, my lucky can!
(Matt looks at his pictures and takes one.)
Edd's voice: Matt, come on, we have to go!
Matt: Okay, I'll be right there!
Matt: Sorry, guys. You'll be in my heart. (He leaves)
Hawaiian Picture: Ha ha ha ha...aww...
Edd: Alright, it's time for... OPERATION MEGA ESCAPE 4.
(Screen reads "Operation Mega Escape 4")
Future Edd: GRR... Open! Access! Enter! ...Broccoli?
(Garage door opens, guys come out as disguised go-karters, with corny music playing.)
(They walk into a diner, walking past Hellucard).
Hellucard: Ey Hed!
(They are sitting at a table)
Waitress: Alright, you guys, so it was the pasta for you, the tacos for you, and for you?
Matt: Whatever you want sweet chee—
(Waitress has angry look on face as background reads "RAGE")
Matt: Uh...I'll just have a meat and potato pie.
Waitress: Alright, would anyone want any drinks?
Edd: Okay, We'll just have one?...two?... Yeah, better make it two gallons of coke, please.
Matt: So, why are we all running away from this guy if he only wants to kill Edd?
Tom: Well, without Edd, it would just be me and you, and, well, that would suck. Has anyone else noticed this is like the most we've ever spoken?
Hellucard's voice: Ey Hed!
(Dead Hellucard flies out glass door, leaving a blood stain on the wall)
Tom: Holy pug in a pizza box!!
Future Edd: What make you think your FUTURE self would not know where his PAST self would be hiding?!
Tom: ... What?
Edd: Then how come it took you so long to find u--?
Future Edd: Shut up. Now prepare to die!
Tom: Wait, how do we really know your Edd from the future?
Future Edd: Well... Our lucky can, Edd. I remember exactly how WE got it.
(A scene of a bad drawing of Edd walking down a sidewalk)
Edd: (Singing) Ooh, a can! (Puts it in his pocket) Shove! (Continues singing)
(Back to present)
Edd: He's RIGHT.
Future Edd: Now that THAT'S out of the way, (Puts on sunglasses) TIme to die.
Edd: B-but w-w-won't this create some kind of paradox or something?!
Future Edd: Don't be stupid, that sort of thing only happens in the movies-
(Suddenly the movie glitches up. Bing is trying to watch the movie, but he gets the blue screen of death. He hollers and runs out of the room. The screen then says "JUST KIDDING!")
(Future Edd was quite stumped over what happened as was Edd too. The waitress walks in with the gallons of coke. Thinking quickly, Edd grabs one of the gallons of coke, shakes it up, opens the top, and a stream of Coke shoots out.)
Future Edd: SON OF A BI- (Coke splashes into his face) THIS IS DELICIOUS!!
(Edd, Matt and Tom start up thier go-karts and drive off as Future Edd watches them leave from the back door)
Future Edd: Hmm...this is going to be harder than I thought.
(Future Edd rolls up his sleeve and looks at the time-travel device on his wrist. The words "LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN" are seen written on masking tape.)
Future Edd: Looks like I'll need some reinforcements. (Presses the button on his time travel device and warps out of sight.)
(The scene then changes to the year 2005 when Zombeh Attack is taking place. Past Matt is walking up to a zombeh, about to ask it for directions.)
Past Matt : Excuse me, but do you know wh-
(The zombeh bites off Past Matt's arm)
Past Matt : ARRGH!!!
(Past Edd, Tom and Tord are shown watching with a shocked expression on their faces)
Past Tord: Oh my god, he bit off his arm!
Past Edd: RUN AWAY!
(The three of them run off the screen as Future Edd appears in their place)
Future Edd: Whoops, looks like I'm in the the shuttered bit.
(Past Matt wincing in pain)
Past Matt: Help me...
Future Edd: Oh, I would Matt, but I uh.. time lines and paradoxes and stuff...
(Future Edd teleports away; Meanwhile, back in the present, future versions of Tom and Matt teleport in)
Future Tom: Huh! It's a good thing red leader had a second time travel device.
Future Matt: Now we just have to stop Edd before he messes anything up in the future.
(Future Matt's face changes, in which his bionic right eye and chin disappears)
Future Matt: Oh, he's a dead man.
(Future Matt and Future Tom start walking together down the alley)
Future Matt: So where should we start looking?
Future Tom: I'm not sure, but I hope Edd's past self has enough sense to hide somewhere.
(Meanwhile, Edd, Tom, and Matt look at a Cola commercial through a window at a TV store, out of their go-carts)
Edd: Hahaha! I'm distracted.
Matt: Who keeps buying this stuff?
Tom: Yeah, we should probably get back to the cars now.
(The three walk towards their go-carts, when Future Edd appears in front of them)
Future Edd: Time to finish this once and for all with my army of meee's!
Future Edd: Eddins, Sir. Edd, Eddious. And Edd-gu.
Future Edd: So, now there is no escape. Attack my brethre-
(Eddins suddenly screams, and the screen cuts to an "eat at Joes" sign. Sir Edd screams as well, and the screen cuts to motorcycle billboard. Eddious screams, and the screen cuts to a tower. Edd-gu screams, and the screen cuts to a tire. All four of them run off.)
Future Edd: How can this plan get any worse?
Future Matt: Stop right there!
Matt: Oh god, i'm old!
Tom: Hey, uh, why the eye thing?
Future Tom: Remember that laser you took to the face?
Tom: Uh, yeah?
Future Tom: Cancer. Anyway, Edd, we're here to stop you before you destroy the future for your selfish needs.
Future Edd: No! I won't go back! I won't go back to that bleak soda-free future!
(Future Edd grabs Edd by the neck. Edd reaches in Tom's pocket and smacks Future Edd with Susan.)
Future Tom & Tom: No, Susan!
(Future Tom fires his laser gun at Future Edd. Future Edd ducks and avoids the laser, which causes the laser to head towards Edd. Edd grabs reaches for and grabs Matt's picture frame.)
Matt: Not the face!
(The laser is deflected by the picture frame. The laser then strikes the lamppost and crushes Future Matt, Future Tom, and Tom, which knocks the time travel device out of Future Tom's hands. Both Edds run towards it.)
Future Edd: Dashdashdashdashdashdashdashdash.
(Edd picks the device up, but Future Edd tackles him which knocks it into the air. It then lands in Matt's hands.)
Edd: Matt, Hurry! Save us!
(Matt presses the button, and goes back in time. The screen cuts to Mount Rushmore, where the faces of the four presidents heads are replaced with that of Matt's. The screen cuts to the Sphinx, where once again Matt's own face is in place of the Sphinx. The screen then cuts to a statue, which is changed to a statue of Matt. Finally, the screen cuts to Easter Island, where every Easter Island Head simply dons Matt's hair. Scanlines as well as the BBC 7 logo appear.)
News Reporter: Today, we have the pleasure of speaking to the well-known creater, author, founder, and king of pretty much everything in existence since the dawn of man known simply as Matt. Tell us Matt, how did you come up with the idea of creating and ruling everything in existence?
Matt: Well, it all started when I got my hands on a- I mean, uh, invented my own time machine. Anyway, I pretty much just went back in time and-
Edd: I hate- LOVE MATT!