[Opening tune] The episode opens with a space ship crashing to a distant Earth.

Tom get that engine working! Tom?!

Matt He's down!

Damn it!

Matt What are we going to do Edd?!
Edd I don't know!
All Aaaaaaaaaah!
Matt Not the face!
[Opening Theme Begins]
[Ten Hours Earlier] The scene begins with Matt who is walking around mowing the lawn with Edd watching from a bench on the patio.
Tom [Hands Edd cola in glass] He's doing something stupid again, isn't he?
Edd Yup.
Tom [Takes a sip of water from the glass] We know what it is yet?
Edd Nope. But I'm sure we're gonna find out.
There is a zapping sound and Matt is gone while the lawn mower keeps moving down the lawn.
Another sound occurs and Tom is gone. His drink is left in the air and falls as Edd watches it.
Edd looks up and sees a giant spaceship hovering over their house.
Edd Yup.
Edd is transported into a container and falls in midair.
Matt [Matt rushes to the container, sticks his face up against the glass, and starts talking in a freaked out fashion.] Edd there are aliens that have abducted us and they're probably gonna eat us and I'm to pretty to die!
Matt gets zapped by a lazer gun and drops to the floor. A silhouette of an alien is shown but the screen zooms out to show that Tom is the one who zapped Matt. The alien puts out his hand.
Tom [Places the gun in the alien's hand] Thank you.
Edd [The glass is raised] All right, you alien scum! What do you want with us?!
Commander Bai Greetings pink skin. I am Commander Bai! Welcome to my ship.
Matt [Scared] Are you going to eat us?
Commander Bai What? No. [laugh] Come on, let me show you around.

Commander Bai

This ship is the finest in your galaxy
Edd There are other ships in the galaxy?
Commander Bai Well last time I checked the Sun Chasers of Nima were in this quadrant.
Matt Those guys sound awesome!

A purple, three eyed, four armed creature starts out accelerating very fast toward a sun while screaming.

Sun Chaser YeeEAAAAH! Wait. [burns into the sun]
Commander Bai Yeah, not so much.
A slide door automatically opens letting the gang into the storage unit.
Commander Bai This is storage. Here we keep all of our superior technology.
Edd [Edd picks up a gun] What does this do?
Commander Bai That is a Normalizer.
A shot from the gun accidently hits Tom in the eyes. He suddenly has eyes.
Tom Cool.
Matt [Matt picks up a different gun] What about this?
Commander Bai Well, that's a laser gun.
Matt accidently hits Tom in the eyes and burns his eyes.
Tom Lame...wait. AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
Edd and Bai stare at Tom scream in pain.
Commander Bai Okay, lets go.
Commander Bai This is the desire room. We go here to relax. It'll show you the thing you want the most.
Camera shifts to Matt.
Matt Clone [Pops out by Matt] Hey handsome!
Matt Clone [Pops out by Matt] I love your hair!
Matt Clone [Pops out by Matt] Nice jacket!
Matt Clone [Pops out by Matt] I can tolerate your existence!
Matt [Crying] They're so beautiful.
Camera shifts to Edd. He sees and grabs a marker and he draws a butterfly with it. The butterfly comes to life and then Edd smiles with a grin. After a few strokes Edd draws a lady but makes a stink face when he sees that she is hideous. He then draws a pair of Groucho glasses.
The camera shifts to Tom who is standing next to a Chirstmas tree.
Edd Wow Tom. I guess you wanted to celebrate Christmas all along.
A container filled with gasoline appears next to Tom.
Edd Oh. Tom. No.
Tom grabs the container in his hands.
Edd Tom. Don't do it.
Tom pours gasoline on the Christmas tree.
Edd Tom. Don't you burn that tree down.
Tom is holding a lighter.
Edd Do not burn that tree down!
The Christmas tree is burning right next to Tom.
Edd Ahh, you did it.
The camera moves to the back of the alien who is standing next to a floating planet. Edd and the group gather around.
Matt Whats that?
Commander Bai

[Sad] Home. Lets move on.

The scene changes. Doors open into the Helm

Commander Bai: This is the helm. From here we can control everything on the ship. Watch!

Commander Bai: (clicks)

Computer: Gravity off.

(Edd, Tom and Matt raise off the floor)

Commander Bai: (clicks)

Computer: Gravity on.

(Edd and Matt are seen floating in mid air and then fall, as the camera pans up to show Tom's hair Steve stuck in the ceiling.)

Tom: (grunts)

Edd: Hey what's this thing?

Commander Bai: This is the vanity drive. It powers the entire ship.

(Tom falls)

Tom: What?

Commander Bai: Let me explain. Our people are the most attractive race in the universe. We even found a way to convert our self-esteem into more energy. On a group-team mission to pick up space beer, our hyperdrive malfunctioned and sent us deep into space. We spent years trying to find our way home. Overtime we let ourselves go, and could no longer power the ship with our vanity. Ever since then we've been stuck in this galaxy searching for a being vain enough to get us home.

(Edd and Matt are almost crying)

Tom: And how's that going?

Commander Bai: Well, we thought we found them on Zogrephos 7, but they turned out to be the most complimentary species.

Pink Complimentary Alien: This ship looks lovely!

Blue Complimentary Alien: Wow, you look great today!

Pink Complimentary Alien: I am so hungry!

Blue Complimentary Alien: Did you cut your hair?

Edd: I don't know what does that has to do with us then?

Tom: I think I do.

Edd: Oh, ooooooohhh.

{ credits roll }

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