This is the transcript for the eddisode "Space Face (Part 2)".
Cast
Tim Hautekiet as Edd
Jamie Spicer-Lewis as Commander Bai
if there's any i missed, please add them.
Transcript
(The intro plays as normal, but with the addition of many of the letter Ds. Thomas Ridgewell's voice is also heard over this.)
Thomas: This is Space Face Part 2 (fast) which won't make any sense if you haven't watched Space Face Part 1 so if you haven't already done that maybe you can do that nowwwww. Thank you.
(Cut to a black screen which says "Thank you". After a title card, cut again to Tom and Edd looking at their lawn, with Matt's face cut out in the grass.)
Tom: You know, I really captured his grassiness.
(Commander Bai walks in.)
Commander Bai: Ah, yes, your vanity beacon.
Tom: Our what?
Commander Bai: We couldn't miss it, a signal to let us know about your energy reserves.
(Tom turns his head back in confusion.)
Tom: Huh?
Commander Bai: This "Matt" creature, we believe he holds the key to getting us home.
(Camera moves to Matt at a panel with alien Paul. We get a shot of a voice changer gun. Matt picks it up.)
Matt: I found a thing!
(Matt accidentally shoots the voice changer at Edd, whose voice is changed to a dog barking. Matt shoots the gun again, changing Edd's voice to a different voice.)
Edd: Well, this isn't my voice.
(Matt shoots the gun again, changing Edd's voice to a computer-like noise. After the next shot, Edd's voice becomes dolphin noises. Matt proceeds to shoot the gun many times, changing Edd's voice to random noises constantly. When Matt hits the gun with his fist, Edd's voice coughs, showing he now has a voice. Matt tries the gun again, but proceeds to break it.)
Edd: Aww...
Tom: Really? Matt?
Commander Bai: Yes, only the vainest being on your planet would make such a monument to themselves.
Matt: Hey! I made that!
(Matt puts his hands on the glass, admiring himself.)
Matt: Oooohhh, I look good.
(The vanity drive activates at this.)
Matt: I really captured my grassiness.
(The vanity drive increases power. Commander Bai is excited by this.)
Commander Bai: It's working! Keep him going!
Tom: Hey, Matt! I don't hate you?
Matt: Yay, I'm popular!
Tom: Well, no, I mean I just don't-
Matt: POPULAR!
(The vanity drive increases power at a rapid pace.)
Commander Bai: Yes! We're so close! Just a little more!
(Matt is overwhelmed with excitement, barely able to contain it.)
Edd: Umm..
(Edd picks up a mirror and places it behind his back.)
Edd: Hey, Matt!
(Matt calms down as he looks at Edd. Edd holds up the mirror and faces it towards Matt, who smiles at his reflection. He also squeals while doing this. The vanity drive is now at full power, causing it to fix itself and activate the ship. Every alien on the ship cheers.)
Commander Bai: You've powered our ship! We can finally make it home!
Matt: (gasps) So, I'm a hero?
Commander Bai: Yeah, sure!
Alien: Err, Commander?
Matt: I saved the day?
Commander Bai: You sure did!
(Pieces from the ship start to fall due to the ship shaking.)
Alien: Commander?!
Matt: I-I'm AWESOME!
Tom: Oh boy.
Alien: COMMANDER!!!
Commander Bai: What?!
Alien: The drive can't take any more vanity! She's gonna blow!
Commander Bai: Quick, humble him!
(Matt is extremely happy to the point of squealing and frantically moving around.)
Edd: We can't!
Commander Bai: Vent the engines! Full warp speed!
Alien: Aii, Aii!
(The alien pulls a lever downwards. Cut to a girl outside looking at the ship. As the ship blasts off at full speed, it causes the girl to be burnt to a crisp. Cut back to the ship, which blasts straight through a planet. Cut to inside the ship, where Edd, Tom, and Matt are are stuck to the back of the ship. Edd and Matt are terrified but Tom has a bored face.)
Tom: Matt, remember that time I told you I didn't hate you?
Matt: Yeah?
Tom: I LIED!
Matt: Aww...
(The vanity drive loses a chunk of power, causing the ship to stop. The three fall onto the floor. Commander Bai walks over as Edd laughs nervously. Commander Bai brushes himself off.)
Commander Bai: Come, let me show you the final part of the tour.
(Cut to Commander Bai, Tom, Edd, and Matt at the disposal bay.)
Commander Bai: The garbage disposal bay. This is where we eject all of our unwanted waste into the cold depths of space.
Edd and Matt: Oooohhh!
Commander Bai: And that includes you.
Edd: What?!
Tom: Figures.
(Tom has a sip of his liquor.)
Matt: But, I'm a hero! I powered your ship! With my face! My pretty, pretty face!
Commander Bai: Yeah, yeah, we're all very grateful, time to go.
(The door to the disposal bay opens.)
Edd: You can't do this! We'll fly the ship back home ourselves if we ha-
(The aliens point guns at Edd and Matt.)
Edd: Ohh...
(Commander Bai pushes Edd and Matt into the bay, but they throw Tom, who crashes into a pile of trash. The door closes behind them.)
Matt: Let us out!
Commander Bai: Oh, I plan to.
Edd: Couldn't you just take us home?
Commander Bai: Yeah, we could! Ahahahaha! Goodbye!
(Commander Bai presses a red button, causing him and his alien crew to fall into space, revealing that Edd, Tom, and Matt were actually on the other side.)
Tom: Wow, who knew vanity and stupidity were so closely related?
Matt: Hahaha, I don't get it.
Tom: I know.
(Edd looks around.)
Edd: Joyride?
Tom: Yep!
(A montage then begins of the gang joyriding. They begin with Matt and Tom each holding one of two handles to drive the ship while Edd puts his arms up. Cut to a man on Earth who sees the ship. The man is abducted and stands in confusion while the three continue to drive. They stumble upon the planet Uranus, which they fire a lazer into that reads "Butt". They continue to fly through space, seeing many objects on the way. At one point, they encounter Eduardo, Jon, and Mark in an alternative ship. They stare each other down and fly away slowly. Cut to Matt setting off explosions to destroy a planet. Cut again to Tom, Edd, and Matt playing with guns. Tom shoots at Matt, causing Matt's arm to come off. Edd, however, has a healing gun and shoots it at Matt's arm, causing it to regenerate. Tom shoots Matt's arm off again, though. End of montage. Cut to the three laughing to themselves while walking through the ship.)
Tom: We should get abducted more often.
Edd: Heheh, I hear that!
Matt: I heard it too!
(Edd tips his can over to reveal he has no more cola.)
Edd: We should probably get home.
Tom: Awwww!
(Edd sits down in the chair and attempts to drive the ship. He presses two random buttons, causing the vanity drive to completely deactivate. The ship also starts to escalate downwards in direction.)
Tom: Does anyone else feel kind of falling-y?
(The ship increases downwards speed, causing the, to approach Earth very quickly.)
Edd: Guys, we have a problem!
Matt: Are we gonna crash?! We can't crash! I'm allergic to explosions!
Edd: Do something!
(Matt begins to press random buttons out of panic. Tom presses two buttons without question. Edd finds an electric rod, not knowing what it is.)
Edd: Try using this!
Matt: What is it?!
Edd: I don't know, find out!
(He hands the electric rod to Matt.)
Matt: Tom, what do I do?
(He shocks Tom with the electric rod, causing him to launch into a chair and into a control panel. He is now unconscious. Matt drops the rod out of shock. The ship is now almost in Earth's atmosphere.)
Edd: Tom, get that engine working! TOM!
Matt: He's down!
Edd: DAMMIT!
Matt: What are we gonna do, Edd?
Edd: I don't know!
(The two begin to scream.)
Matt: Not the face!!
(Suddenly, the vanity drive activates.)
Edd: YES!
(Edd slams his hand onto a large red button labeled "BRAKES", causing the ship to stop just nefore they could crash into the backyard. Everyone's faces hit the windshield from the sudden stop.)
Matt: Hey!
(The three roll onto their backs.)
Tom: Okay, I take it back. No more abductions for me.
Edd: You know, you've been pretty quiet today, Tom.
Tom: I am very drunk.
(Edd laughs at Tom's comment while Tom takes a sip of liquor.)
Tom: Hey, Matt?
Matt: Yeah?
Tom: You're alright.
Matt: Really?
Tom: Yeah.
Matt: YAAAAAAAAYYY-
(The vanity drive activates at maximum power, causing the ship to explode.)
Matt: MY ALLERGIES!
(Credits)
