This is the transcript for the episode "Ruined".
note: if there's any I missed, please add them. -aa
(Intro plays, but instead of a normal intro it's an Ancient-Egyptian themed opening. The eddisode begins in the backyard, where Edd is digging a hole. The camera zooms in.)
Edd: Urgh, how did I get into this mess?
(Flashback begins. Edd is walking in the hallway, but peeks into Tom's room when he sees his bass. He walks over to examine it. He grabs the bass and plays it. He becomes startled when he sees a spider.)
Edd: AHH!! A SPIDER!
(He smashes the spider with Tom's bass, which becomes damaged. End of flashback.)
Edd: Oh yeah...
(He continues to dig a hole. However, his shovel hits a hard surface. Edd brushes the dirt away from it to get a better look. He makes a shocked face. Cut to Tom, Matt, and Tord watching TV with bored expressions. Edd comes in.)
Edd: Hey guys, check this out!
(The three walk outside, still with bored expressions. Edd is now inside the hole and smiles at what he's found.)
Edd: I think it's some kind of old Egyptian door or something.
Matt: I am very disappointed right now.
Tom: Uh-huh. That's gre- What in the name of this delicious bowl of Eddsworld Cereal happened to my bass?!
Edd: But there might be treasure down there!
(Tord and Matt turn around smiling.)
Tord and Matt: Treasure?!
(Edd opens the door to the ruins. There is nothing but darkness. They drop a rope down to climb on. Tord and Tom climb down. Before Edd climbs down, Matt distracts him.)
Edd: For the last time Matt, no pirate hats.
(Edd and Matt climb down the rope. However, the rope breaks. Everyone screams and falls to the ground.)
Edd: Where's Tom?
(Edd lights a torch to reveal Tom was there, but his eyes weren't visible in the dark.)
Edd: Oh... Well, it looks like I have the only light.
(Tord pulls out a flashlight.)
Tord: Nope, I have one too-
(Edd knocks the flashlight out of Tord's hands, breaking it.)
(Edd looks around.)
Edd: We need to find another way out of here.
(Everyone walks around. Matt takes a fedora from a skeleton. A mummy hears Matt walking and opens the tomb it's contained in. Everyone's walking comes to a stop when they see that there's two pathways.)
Edd: Looks like we'll have to split up. So...I'll take Tom.
(Tom jabs a finger in Tord's face.)
Tom: OH YEAH! IN YOUR FACE, TORD! IN YOUR FACE!
Matt: So I'm stuck with Tord? No offence, I mean...Y'know.
(The two groups walk into their seperate paths. The camera cuts to Edd.)
Edd: Hmm... Seems safe enough. Erm.. What's that over there?
(Edd pushes Tom into a trap, causing Tom lots of pain. While Tom is being hurt, Edd plays with a yo-yo. Eventually, he looks at a pocket watch.)
Tom: AHHHHH! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!! THE ARROWS ARE EVERYWHERE!! THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!! WHY WON'T IT STOP?! PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME DIE!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! OUCH, THE PAIN!!
(Tom is pushed back to his original spot, this time with his face covered in blood and bruises. An arrow is coming out of his head.)
Tom: I hate you.
(The scene cuts to a blank area with ominous music playing. The mummy from earlier is now walking and making ominous noises.)
(The next scene cuts to Matt and Tord walking in darkness. Tord lights a match. Matt looks around but when his head gets too close to Tord's match, it causes his head to engulf in flames. He runs around screaming. However, he runs into a booby trap. Suddenly, two walls block any exits and equip spikes. The walls begin to close in on the duo. After the walls, a mound of sand flows into the room from the ceiling.)
Tord: Okay, how can this get any worse?
(All of a sudden, a speaker comes in from the center of the room. It begins to play Tord's most hated song, Sunshine Lollipops. Tord now has an annoyed expression.)
Tord: Son of a-
(The screen cuts to black then cuts to everyone regrouping.)
Tom: Hahaha! Haaa.. In your..face! Ugh.. You know, next time you take him.
(Everyone looks to see that there's a treasure chest at the end of the room.)
Edd: Looks like we need a key. I wonder where it could be...
(Edd turns around to see a mummy with the key around its neck.)
Tom: Holy crap!
(Everyone makes an annoyed face at Tom.)
Tom: Uh.. I mean.. Holy poptarts in a pencil sharpener!
(The annoyed faces are now squinting.)
Tom: No..? I'll go over there.
(Tom walks to the other side of the room with his arm crossed and a sad expression.)
(The mummy begins to mumble an Ancient chant.)
Edd: Erm... Okay....
(All of a sudden, mummy hands rise from the ground. The mummies's eyes are now glowing red. Matt jumps into Tord's arms out of fear, making terrified faces. Just when the mummies are about to attack the duo, glass is heard and everything goes white. A second later, it is revealed that Tom knocked both mummies out with glass bottles.)
(Edd sets the original mummy on fire, burning his wrappings and his skin. This makes the now skeleton mad, causing him to punch Edd and knock him onto a pillar. The pillar breaks and falls.)
Skeleton: Hahaha! Oh cra-
(The pillar falls onto the skeleton. The key from his mecklace is launched to Edd.)
(Scene cuts to Edd unlocking the chest. Once they unlock it, a trapdoor opens under the gang, and they fall through screaming.)
Edd: Hey, I'm alive! You guys broke my fall! Guys? Guys?